Global productivity to crash to zero as Balatro announces it’s coming to phones [Video]

Business dailies the world over closed their doors for the last time today as the international economy got ready to give up for good. The reason: All-devouring time black hole Balatro has announced it’s jumping off of our PCs and consoles and onto our phones, becoming even more portable than it is on Steam Deck. You’ll soon be able to play it wherever and whenever you want, which is everywhere and always.

Balatro hits the iOS App Store and Android’s Google Play on September 26. If, like me, you have an ongoing Apple Arcade subscription for reasons you don’t entirely comprehend, you’ll get it free through that. Otherwise, expect to pay about $10.

This is not, strictly speaking, PC gaming news. Perspicacious readers will note that iPhones and Android devices are phones, or at best tablets, and last I checked the title of our outlet was not “Phone-Carrying Gamer”. But …